Our little corner of Hell

Arriving on Monday, I knew we were in trouble when I saw the duct tape on the toilet seat. There was a hole in the ceiling in the kitchen. The refrigerator had been turned off, so it was going to take hours for it to get cool enough to transfer our food from the ice chest. The cabin was full of sand and roly-polys.

Oh yeah, and I forgot to pack cups, plates, or cutlery.

Oh, and one more thing -- the forecast for Tuesday was 107 and windy.

Welcome to Quartz Mountain Resort in southwestern Oklahoma. It's got a unique beauty. We learned that it is the second oldest mountain range in the United States. (The oldest are the Appalachian Mountains.) The pinkish-red rock that colors the mountains is granite. Granite holds a lot of heat. Climbing the Quartz Mountains during a freakish heat wave can give you second degree burns and a heat rash. We decided against doing this when we were halfway up Mount Baldy and a gust of wind nearly toppled Sport over.

Settling instead for a nature walk, we listened as SO read about indigenous plants and the ways Native Americans put them to good use. The boys wanted to swim in the lake, which seemed like a really good idea until we were blasted with sand from winds that had to be gusting up to 50 miles an hour or more. Seriously, the lake waves resembled crashing ocean waves. If we'd had some boards, we could have done some surfing.

At one point, we watched a water moccasin slither near the shore and into a nearby rock formation. One of the beach Bubba's, clutching a Pabst Blue Ribbon in one hand and a fist-sized rock in the other, ambled over to search for the little critter. I wondered if he was drunk enough to actually feel around in the rocks for the snake. Turns out he wasn't.

Trying to grill up some hamburgers in this kind of weather is an exercise in frustration. After numerous attempts to light the charcoal, they finally got done. They were a little crunchy, but if the Egyptians could eat bread seasoned with sand then we could eat burgers with only a light dusting.

The wind never let up the entire time we were there. Temperatures soared. We went out on a paddle boat and were nearly roasted alive. The only relief came when we were in the lake water.

I think my entire body underwent an involuntary exfoliation. Perhaps I'll look 5 years younger when I get back to work.

"Everything's a quarter!"

If I ever entertain the notion of having another garage sale, kill me.

We probably picked the hottest weekend of the summer to do it, but thanks to friends and family we had about a million donated items to price and made about half the cost of LegoGuy's registration for NYLSC. Thanks to everyone who contributed a box of knick-knacks, clothes, dishes, etc. And the furniture ... especially the furniture. That was the first to sell.

One thing I learned is that no matter how clever or self-explanatory a pricing system you come up with, everyone is going to ask, "How much is this?" When I went to bed Saturday night, it's the phrase that kept coursing through my mind.

"HowMuchIsThisHowMuchIsThisHowMuchIsThis?"

As the mercury shot up, I started yelling out, "Everything's a quarter." Nevertheless, we had lots of items left over, many of which will be travelling south for yet another garage sale given by hearty souls who don't mind the heat.

At one point, Sport had the opportunity to hold a $100 bill and shivered with delight. I had to stop him from rubbing it all over his body.

"It's a hundred dollars," he whispered giddily.

"It's just a piece of paper," I told him. His eyes followed the bill as I placed it in our money box. I think he would have slept with it if we'd let him.

Although it's not in his nature, Lego tried to work the crowd, handing out little slips of paper that explained what we were trying to accomplish with the garage sale. He met a couple whose son had gone many years ago and who was now a pilot with Continental Airlines. He thought that was pretty cool.

As for me, I stood in an ice-cold shower when it was all over. It still took me 2 days to feel normal again.

And my feet still hurt.